Just stay away from Kid Neopolitan’s parties.

Lileks is in rare form this morning:

The entire mutant-as-a-metaphor was insulting, anyway â??if you know anything about kids you know that a teen with the ability to shoot fire out of his ears would not be shunned as a weirdo freak but elected class president on general principle: dude! Awesome! […]are we to believe that the majority of American parents reject their kids because they can levitate or cough up gold by the quart or exude perfectly formed Neapolitan Ice Cream bricks from their hindquarters? Far from persecuting them, theyâ??d get their own reality shows. Storm would be a TV meteorologist in New York. As for your morning commute, Iâ??ll see what I can do. Stay classy, Manhattan.

And then thereâ??s Wolverine – heâ??s Troubled and Frowny and Haunted, even though he appears to be a 35 year old man living in a high school with no job, surrounded by good-looking women, and able to kill whoever he wants without any sort of legal repercussions. You almost want some mutant to confront him in the kitchen some night: what you so mad about, anyway? You can heal from a gunshot to the head in six seconds and you got spikes coming out of your hands. Yeah, well, it hurts when the spikes come out. Oh really? I shoot liquid nitrogen everytime I pee. Thatâ??s my mutation. I go by the name of Holdit. Wanna switch?

There. That’s a nice start to a Monday morning. Unlike that bastard Jeff’s start-the-morning-off-with-a-math-brain-teaser post*.

* Okay, fine he posted it on Sunday. I read it Monday morning. Close enough.

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